A Scottish thief tried to siphon off someone else’s diesel fuel…

John O’Hare, 73, and his wife May, 69, of Glasgow had spent a week touring Scotland in their camper van and had parked at their final stop just a few miles from home, reports the Scottish Daily Record.

While they were sound asleep, a thief crept up to their encampment with a plastic hose and fuel container, intending to poach some diesel.

He apparently stuck one end in his mouth in order to get the siphon going — and, in the darkness, the other end not into the van’s fuel tank, but into its septic chamber.

The next morning, the O’Hares stepped outside to find on the ground: the plastic hose; the fuel container; the entire contents of the septic tank; and a puddle of human vomit.

“I hope the thief has learned from his experience and given up his evil ways,” laughed John O’Hare to the newspaper on Sunday.

Also lying on the ground were several pound coins, which O’Hare thinks may have been robbed from a vending machine. He gave the money to charity.

“Fortunately for us,” said O’Hare, “he was left with a nasty taste in his mouth.”

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,120538,00.html

Question: What do you do with a ‘99 Dodge Durango with 108,000 miles on it and a blown engine?

Answer 1: Pay ~$3,000 to drop another DEFECTIVE 5.2L engine in it? NO!

Answer 2: Drop it on top of big bonfire and broadcast it LIVE on the Internet? YES!!!

WHERE - I’m going to have to find a place that will allow the bonfire and get a permit from the local fire department. It will probably be in South Austin [TX].

WHEN: August 1, 2004 : Burn, Baby, Burn!

WHY - My main purpose for staging this event is to SEND A MESSAGE to Diamler Chrysler and all other car manufacturers - it’s time to start treating their customers with common respect and letting us know up front about any defects they find in their products.

Website

Do you have a handlebar moustache? Then the Handlebar Club is the club for you!

Members:

Bruce Roe from Washington State, U.S.A. is President of the Whisker Club.

Tom Clark, Currently our youngest member. Tom is certainly the youngest member in the last thirty years, and we thought at the time that he was probably the youngest member ever.

Website

PORTLAND, ORE. - A man and his 12-year-old daughter spent the last four years living in a remote hillside in Portland’s Forest Park, police said.

The pair was discovered in a dense, wooded area by an Australian cross-country runner and his wife.

The next morning, the runner escorted police to the site.

After an hour-and-a-half hike, police found an elaborate camp dug into a steep hillside.

Under a tarp-covered, wood-framed shelter, they found sleeping bags, a partially burnt log, a Bible, a stack of old World Book Encyclopedias, rakes and other tools.

A police dog found the pair huddling behind a tree about 50 yards from the camp.

The story in between

Now, Barkley said, the pair are living in a mobile home and adjusting to life with heat, electricity and running water.

The man mows lawns and is learning to drive a tractor, and the pair ride bicycles to a nearby church on Sundays.

We occassionally get calls from customers who need to have something large moved or delivered. They’d typically do it themselves, but the item is too large to fit in their car. Since they also don’t own a bike trailer like ours, they call us. They usually don’t know that we’re a “bike-only” delivery service, and they’re a little surprised to see us pull up with their new desk or other large piece of furniture…

We’ve moved three sets of mattresses and box springs for customers. The first customer called us after seeing our name in the phone book. The other two called us after a positive recommendation from the first customer.

Obviously, these guys are morons. They are located in Ames, Iowa.

If I saw these guys going down the road, I’d be tempted to put a stick in their spokes. I would guess that these guys have this business b/c they lost their driving licenses due to a couple of DUIs.

Website

Al Gore visits Google’s offices. Not sure what he’s doing, but probably demonstrating how he invented the ol’ internet.

More Pics

I’ve always wanted a pimp suit.
$81.99 Suit/ $15.95 Hat

How much would the $ necklace cost you ask? Just $18.

Simulated Platinum dollar sign with rhinestones on the border

Also offered is a parking sign. It reads: PIMP parking only. All others will be SLAPPED.

1 Envelope $ 1.49
5 Envelopes $ 5.89
10 Envelopes $ 9.89

http://www.prankplace.com/envelopes.htm

A Christmas Story Leg Lamp

40″ Leg Lamp = $179.99 (Buy on Amazon)
20″ Leg Lamp = $39.99 (Buy on Amazon)

Note: Giftwrapping not available for this item.

I simply can’t let this guy go. He’s out-of-control - getting pranks calls on the TDD - what a great idea.

“Some immature kiddie from California used the TDD (telephone device for the deaf) relay service to call me at midnight last night and rag on me, in much the same style as the kiddies on Slashdot and Fark. Talk about cowardice…

If it happens again, I’ll simply refuse all TDD relay calls. I know only one deaf person personally (hi, Jamie!), and he knows how to reach me via computer. The rest of ‘em can damned well use email.”