Are you 6′ or less?
Are you between the ages of 25 and 50?
Are you fluent in English and Russian?
Have good motivation and health?
Citizen of Austria, Belgium, Switzerland, Germany, Denmark, Spain, France, Greece, Italy, Ireland, Norway, Netherlands, Portugal, Sweden, United Kingdom or Canada?

You are in luck. You could nominate yourself to live in a space station for two years, in Moscow. No contact with “Earth” except by 20-minutes-delayed radio communications. And you get paid for it.

You probably get some probes stuck in you and fed sweet space food. Basically it would be like being abducted by aliens without having to leave Moscow.

More information (Call for Candidate)

Applicaton

Jonathan Lee Riches© made headlines in 2006 when he filed a prisoner civil rights suit in Philadelphia’s U.S. District Court complete with a 57-page defendant list.
Notable defendants included, George W Bush, nearly all of Bush’s Cabinet and staff, the Pope, google.com, Jay Z, Jessee Jackson, Al Queda, Taliban, Kelly Clarkson, 13 tribes of Israel, etc. Basically Jonathan Lee Riches© just wrote down names he thought of.

Jonathan Lee Riches© is a current resident of the Federal Correctional Institution Williamsburg in Salters, S.C., by way of pleading guilty to his involvement in an identity theft/credit card fraud ring. He is a white 30 year old male.

He made news this week by suing NFL QB Michael Vick. To sum up the suit, Jonathan Lee Riches© alleges that Vick

1) stole 2 white mixed pit bull dogs from his residence to be used in dog fighting. The dogs where then used and later sold on Ebay and the proceeds went towards purchasing missiles from the Iran Govt.
2)Vick stole his identity and a Petsmart card was opened in his name to buy dog food.
3) Used his copyrighted name on clothing
4) Vick plead allegiance to Al-queda, subjected him to microwave testing, Vick used drugs in school zones, and used illegal steroids.

My favorite part is the last paragraph and his copyrighted signature…

You can see the 3 page suit, here on Festville.

Jonathan Lee Riches© has a projected 03-23-2012 release date from prison.

It’s been a while since we had an album cover fest, so today we’ll look at some sweet Swedish albums.

Click on each for full size versions…

Gert Jonnys
Not only do the Jonnys have sweet blue matching uniforms, but their hair and two mustaches are solid.

Oijwinds
Nothing is better than wearing matching blue silk shirts except if you can sport a mullet with the silk.

Winners
Custom made outfits no doubt. Everyone is a winner here. Mullets and a moustache or two mix well together. Member on the far left sports a right finger wedding band.

Fendox
It’s not good to stereotype, but can you say child predators?

Jan Lindbland
Jan was nice enough to autograph this album. I really like this color matching on Jan’s part. Obviously, Jan went red versus the pinkish color of the birds. Jan went shoeless too because everyone knows you don’t fly with your shoes one.

Tommy Elfs
You really need to view a close-up of this. Everyone sports #22. The guy on the top right and the guy on the middle right are more than awesome. Must be why they are tommy elfs.

The Gayes
I think the band name says it all. However the title of the album is translated to something like “You Little White Dove”

Alf Olles
I believe the album title is something about “Chance for another Dance.” I’d rather not see these guys on the hillside.

This my Festvillians is perhaps one of the sweetest prenuptial agreements I have ever seen. This was filed in Jefferson County court in September 2006 by Cedric and Yvette McNeal who reside in Birmingham, AL (actually Centerpoint).

This 7 page agreement is full of sweetness. I’ll give you the highlights from each page just as they are written (no spelling corrections). I highly recommend that you download the PDF file at the bottom to read each of the parts of the agreement. And as for the Roman Numerals - those are Yvette’s version, not mine.

Page 1
Yvette McNeal agree to the following.
I. I agree to only clean our home 2601 5th NE B’ham, Ala 35215 in a manner thats is acceptable to Cedric McNeal

II. I Yvette McNeal agree that the Ford Exploer belong to Cedric McNeal and I will keep it clean all the time and that the driver of it will be Cedric McNeal at all time.

III. I Yvette McNeal agree to only work at Jobs that Cedric McNeal approval of at all time.

Comment: More on the job situation later on…

IIII. I Yvette McNeal agree to attend Church with my husband at New Beginning Covenant House at his discretion.

V. I Yvette McNeal agree to conduct myself in a manner fitting a minister wife.

Page 2
VI. I Yvette McNeal agree that I will not communicate with none of my past assciate as of right now.

Comment: Foreshadowing of future Roman numerals…

VII. I Yvette McNeal agree to contribute all wages, gift, donation, contribution and the like to my husband, Cedric McNeal to be distributes he see fit.

VIIII. I Yvette McNeal agree not to communicate with any of my husband phyicians and not to go to any courts and try to get him commit to any hospital about his mental capacity my husband name is Cedric McNeal.

Comment: You think?

Page 3
XI. I Yvette McNeal agree that I will not cause no further trouble in my husband life by trying to have him arrested & calling any law enforcement agency on my husband Cedric McNeal.

XV. I Yvette McNeal agree not to abuse my husband Cedric McNeal never again.

Page 4
XVII. I Yvette McNeal agree to cook and prepare meal at home that she and her husband Cedric McNeal both can enjoy with love and also to wash and due the laundry only at [address]

XVIII. I Yvette McNeal agree that I will resign from Trinity hospital and also resign from Princeton Baptist hostipal forever. And that I will never work in the Baptist Health System also never work any shift nights and that I will be content being a house wife.

XVIIII. I Yvette McNeal agree to stop telling Lies to my husband Cedric McNeal and will be honest with him always.

Page 5
XXIII. I Yvette McNeal agree not to involved my self in any devil worship or any of the occult.

XXIIII. I Yvette McNeal agree no to use the internet for any communication or for any affairs period. Without my husband Cedric McNeal permission.

XXV. I Yvette McNeal agree not to go to any Night club or participate in any activity that could be interpreted as strip dancing or behaivor that could be interpred as prostition. My husband Cedric McNeal shall determine what is and what is not strip dancing or prostition.

Comment: I’m glad that Cedric will determine what is and what is not strip dancing or prostitution!

Page 6
XXVII. I Yvette McNeal agree to not use Foul Filthy Lanuage or any type of Profanity when speaking or talking to my husband Cedric McNeal ever again.

Download complete agreement in PDF format

How to write/visit Don Siegelman
Don needs your notes of encouragement. Or at least the “Free Don” folks think so.

You can write him at:
Don Siegelman (24775-0001)
Satellite Prison Camp
Post Office Box 5010
Oakdale, LA 71463-5019

Free Don people say: “We have been told that it takes a long time for the mail to get processed and delivered. All mail will be opened and perhaps copied and sent to the U.S. Attorney in Montgomery. ”

Comment: I love how they added “perhaps copied and sent…”

Rules for visiting Don at Oakdale:

• Handshaking, embracing and kissing by visitors and inmates/detainees will be permitted within the bounds of good taste only at the beginning and end of the visit.
• 10 visits per month.

You can’t wear the following:

• Sleeveless blouses, tank tops, halter tops
• Shorts above mid thigh
• Shower shoes, slippers, or house shoes
• See-through clothing or low cut blouses revealing cleavage
• Clothing exposing the mid-section

Don’s visiting hours:
Saturday (8:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m.), Sunday (8:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m.), and Federal holidays (8:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m.)

How to write/visit Richard Scrushy

Writing to Richard:
Richard Scrushy (24463-001)
USP BEAUMONT
U.S. PENITENTIARY
P. O. BOX 26030
BEAUMONT, TX 77720

Visiting Richard:
A few variations…due to perhaps the fact that Richard’s minimum security prison camp is on the grounds of a maximum security prison.

• “A limit of five visitors, including children, are permitted to visit an
  inmate at one time.” Don has the same rule, but Richard has 9 kids so they all can’t come see at at the same time.
• Shorts (male and female over 12 years of age) can not be worn.
• $20 is the maximum amount of cash that can be brought in to spend on the vending machines. This is down from Don’s $30 limit

If you haven’t heard that Richard Scrushy is in prison, then it’s time to leave the cave.

Anyway, a sweet graffiti job in downtown Birmingham, AL of Richard.

Courtesy of akschell

If you forgot what Richard’s Lake Martin house looks like, here it is…

Need to update your fridge? Try Self-adhesive “stainless steel”

Update your appliances with the look of sleek faux stainless steel. Cut to fit roll of self adhesive PVC vinyl instantly makes your ovens, dishwasher, and refrigerator look good as new! It’s a modern brushed stainless look in minutes. Scratch & heat resistant up to 120 degrees. 35″ w x 5 1/2 l. (approximately 16 square feet)

Your Price: $19.98

Comment: I really like the demo fridge. Stainless up front, black on the side. The ol’ two-tone effect.

Jumbo Remote

Jumbo universal remote No longer waste time searching for tiny remotes that have been misplaced, dropped or stored in multiple locations. Jumbo remote’s gigantic size stands out anywhere. Program TV, DVD, VCR, satellite and cable remotes (up to eight) into this one with simple instructions. Compatible with most major brands. Two AA batteries required, not included. 11″.

Your Price: $14.98

Comment: You are going to need to upgrade your sofa table to fit this bad boy on it. I like how they crossed out the remotes in the photo. 13 remotes are in the pile. All this can program is a TV, cable/satellite, VCR, and DVD. And most remotes control the TV and the cable/satellite. But still we need to show 13 remotes.