Despair’s Pessimist’s Glass
Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
A perfect gift for your Dirty Santa gift.
A perfect gift for your Dirty Santa gift.
The American Mustache Institute needs help: Who should grace Mount Stachemore?
For many, many years, spirited debate has raged about who across the globe has the finest, most admirable mustaches. There are throngs of well-qualified candidates, and as the American Mustache Institute prepares to build a Mustache Hall-of-Fame in St. Louis near the world’s largest mustache - the St. Louis Arch - it is asking the public to help choose the penultimate four mustaches who’s faces and luxurious lip hair should adorn a soon to be named mountain in the western United States - to be known as Mt. ‘Stachemore.

My top 5 would be:
1. Yanni (maybe not the best ’stache but you can not overcome his hair)
2. Al Hrabosky (looks like a star in Anchorman)
3. Hulk Hogan (Brother!)
4. Geraldo Rivera (Best news reporter ever)
5. Burt Reynolds (not b/c of Burt but because of Norm MacDonald starring as Burt in SNL’s Celebrity Jeopardy)
Vote…
No doubt we have a winner for a movie here.
Former NBA player Dennis Rodman plays the coach of a little people (aka midgets) basketball team in “The Minis” with Verne Troyer as one of his players. It was being filmed at a Venice Beach court on Wednesday.
“Me and Mini-Me,” Rodman says. “It’ll be wild.”
It is set to be released on October 7, 2007.
Sammons Preston Rolyan now offers a shirt bib on Amazon for an unknown price. The description reads: “This clothing protector is made from a cotton button-down shirt with a white terry-cloth backing for absorption. It replaces the traditional bib while improving the client’s self esteen and preserving dignity. A Velcro® neck and waist fastener provide easy adjustment and comfort. Machine washable. ”
The model has such a awesome look on his face. I’ve never seen a bib that had a collar on it like this one. It’s pretty much like wearing another shirt minus the sleeves.
Sammons Preston Rolyan seems to specialize in elderly products such as compression gloves or transfer boards that get you from your wheelchair to the bed or toilet. One of the sweeter products they offer is an automatic card shuffler.

“Is it a modular home, a recreational vehicle, or a trailer? The Glassic Soho Flat is a manufactured 400 square-foot glass-walled living space. You can select from three floor plans (one bedroom, two bedroom, or studio). Since it has no kitchen, it’s marketed as a vacation getaway, but can be outfitted with optional laundry appliances and a fireplace. A fully-furnished unit will cost you over $59,000.”
I think this will set you back about $10k more than a typical single wide. Well at least that’s what I read.
I think this will take off in Alabama. Nothing says Alabama like looking out the glass wall of your trailer and watching the sun set over a mound of red clay in your yard.

This Knight Rider outfit is standard issue from Knight Industries and will have you and KITT rounding up the bad guys in no time. The costume includes the wig, jacket and watch. The jacket features a heat transfer of KITT on the back with the Knight Rider Logo.
Price: $29.99
Catman gets his free vehicle after all…
An update on last week’s story about Greg “Catman” Good and the Fox Sports car giveaway. Of course Fox apologized, but next day, the Fox Sports chairman said he would present Good with a truck personally today. “We are morally obliged to correct what was an appalling piece of misjudgment,” Hill told the paper. Good gets a Ford F-150.
Kareem welcomes new neighborhood…
New neighbors of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar were crying foul yesterday after the NBA great apparently dumped a huge pile of trash - complete with a pair of old size-17 sneakers - in the front yard of a home next-door to his Harlem brownstone.
“It would not matter if it was the Queen of England,” raged neighbor Gisele Allard, 58. “Most people are not abusive like that.”
The sneakers, a Los Angeles Lakers ID card and a front row ticket for last spring’s NCAA basketball championship game were buried amid the pile of flattened boxes dumped in Allard’s front yard. There was also a Dear Kareem postcard from a masseuse, a blow gun and an empty cardboard box for a martial arts kendo sword.
After ringing the bell and getting no answer, she started tossing the discarded stuff back onto his steps.
Cheers turned to jeers when neighbors spotted the pile of boxes unceremoniously dumped in the yard of Allard’s home, the doors of which are boarded up
Big Tipper Follow-Up
Remember that story about the guy who gave the bartender a $10,000 tip? Well, she finally got her money. Cindy Kienow received a check Tuesday from Applebee’s franchise owner JS Ventures Inc. for about $6,300, her share of the tip after taxes. The big tipper guy inadvertently gave the U.S. Government a $3,700 tip for doing nothing.
You may recall the post about Improv Everywhere’s interesting visit to Best Buy.
The Best Buy episode got confrontational. However, the Home Depot visit was funny but not as tense as the previous. On a Saturday afternoon, around 225 people showed up at the meeting point in Madison Square Park, a short walk from the Home Depot. They wanted to try something that stopped or slowed down time. How would people react if they found themselves surrounded by people moving forward at a different rate or time (or not moving at all)?

Holding a Guinness record for its size, this crossword hangs on a full 7′ by 7′ of wall space and has 28,000 clues for over 91,000 squares. It’s a challenge that can take months, even up to a year, to complete. Nothing says ‘I am a big dork with no life’ than hanging this on your wall and actually working on it. The upside to this is you are guaranteed to never get alzheimer’s.
Are you ready to fork over $229 so you too can be the talk of the tailgate party while hanging with your NASCAR buddies? Imagine the faces of your pre-game buddies when they see you kicking back in this! Chairs are made of super-strong 600 denier polyester and come in red, blue or green. Each chair has a weight limit of 250 lbs.
$229.99
The poshAir sleeping bag is a breakthrough in inflight comfort. This luxurious cocoon, that’s easy to slip on and off, zips you into an extra layer of lightweight warmth. High probability that if you put this on during a flight with me, I’d assault you with my copy of SkyMall.
$99.99
You’ve seen all the videos of people putting mentos in coke bottles and watching them shoot the drink out. What happens when you combine 200 liters of Diet Coke and over 500 Mentos mints? You get Bellagio.
Two men in Maine, Fritz Grobe and Stephen Voltz, took 101 bottles of Diet Coke and crafted a mesmerizing, two-minute Mentos and Diet Coke performance that they call “a spectacular, mint-powered version of the Bellagio Fountains in Las Vegas.”