It wasn’t the preferred way to enter the Knoxville Museum of Art, but Richard Anthony Smith told police he was on a mission. The 25-year-old Knoxville man called 911 from his cell phone before dawn Wednesday saying he was trapped in an air conditioning duct leading from the museum roof, Knoxville police spokesman Darrell DeBusk said.

Police and firefighters reached the roof, found a rope and cable and followed them to a vent shaft. Peering inside, they spotted Smith about 45 feet down.

“Mission failed,” he told them.

Hoisted up and read his rights, Smith told police he was a “special agent from the United States Illuminati, badge number 0931″ and had rappelled onto the museum from a helicopter, a police report said.

He said he was following orders to “defuse and confiscate” a Soviet-made nuclear warhead, specifically a “MERV6SS-22AN” warhead, according to the report. The bomb supposedly was hidden in a blue, plastic cow sculpture in the museum basement, he said.

However, Smith told officers his “agency” called while he was in air-vent limbo to say it made a mistake and the bomb might be in a Memphis museum instead.

Police charged Smith with aggravated robbery. He was being held on $2,000 bond at the Knox County Jail. Authorities said he did not have a lawyer.

“Fortunately he was able to reach his cell phone,” DeBusk said, “or he may not have been found for quite some time.”

Earth First is a bunch of winners! I only wish this was fake.

You probably remember a post back in April titled, “Wedding of the Year“. Well, I guess those people have some competition now.

As the famous twang of Hank Williams Jr. blasted from an SUV stereo Friday afternoon, about 30 folks socialized, sipped soda and puffed on cigarettes. George “Bubba” Mathis and Pamela Christian - employees at the Dacula, GA Waffle House - were married at their place of employment.

The Groom, George “Bubba” Mathis (age 23) (Photos: Benjamin Hager, Gwinnett Daily Post)

For years, the couple tried to marry on their Independence Day anniversary. But the bride was always scheduled to work. Instead of waiting any longer - she got the day off at the last minute; Mathis had to report for the morning shift - the couple of nine years decided to seal the deal at work.

The bride, Pamela Christian (age 23)

Standing nearby, the father of the newly minted Mrs. Pamela Mathis, William Christopher, wondered if anyone had videotaped the ceremony. He wants to send it in to CMT.

“I think it’s pretty redneck myself,” he said, laughing. “But I’m a redneck anyway, so.”

More photos and complete story

These prices are jacked up. I guess the extra cash goes towards the compounds or the Joseph Smith statue fund.

Baby Dress Without Bloomers
Poly/Cotton Blend
$44 and up

Teen Vest Dress
100% Polyester
$72 and up

This is one of my favorites…

Baby Onesie Shirt
65% Polyester 35% Cotton
$31 and up

About Us:
This site is dedicated to provide children with clothing that meets the FLDS standards for modesty and neatness. Our commitment is to offer quality, handmade, modest, affordable clothing. Each piece is made with joy and care.
www.fldsdress.com

You may recall reading on Festville about Phyllis and Del the longtime lesbian couple who got married four years ago. Well, they got married again yesterday.

Martin wore a purple pantsuit and stood up from her wheelchair to face Lyon, dressed in a blue pantsuit.

Yes, Del is in her wheelchair. She is 87.

Mark “No NCAA” Townsend is running for the Alabama U.S. Senate seat currently held by Senator Jeff Sessions. Townsend resides in Haleyville, AL and works as a truck driver.

Townsend and Charles Bishop
Townsend ran for the Democratic nomination for governor in 2002 using the nickname “Rodeo Clown.” He’s a truck driver, not a rodeo clown, but the nickname apparently got voters’ attention. He finished third in a five-candidate field. It should be noted that Townsend claims he finished 2nd since Charles Bishop quit the race. Don Siegelman captured over 331k votes, Bishop 80k, and Townsend 9,890.

Townsend writes:
The truth is I finished second because Charles Bishop pulled out of the race before the game was over and joined the republicans. It may be time for Mr. Bishop and myself to handle our differences under Winston County Rules.

Facts in Winston County:

1. If someone treats your mother without respect, you fight.
2. If someone calls you a chicken, you take the challenge or fight.
3. If someone calls you a sissy, then you are one if you don’t fight.

Facts:

Mr. Bishop and I both live in Winston County. He is a republican. I am a democrat. Mr. Bishop can simply admit that he was a quitter and I finished second or he must meet my challenge.

1. He can hit me 5 times with his fist and I will still pick him up and put him over my head.
2. He can let Jeff Sessions hit me 10 times and I will pick him up and put him over my head 5 times.
3. If I win Mr. Bishop has to stand on top of the Alabama State Capitol with a sign reading, “Sessions Is A Sissy .com”.

If he wins I stand on top of Alabama State Capitol in a pink dress.

NCAA
This time around he chose “No NCAA.” It’s more fitting because he sued the National Collegiate Athletic Association in 2001 over a variety of factors, including sanctions it imposed against the football programs at Auburn University and the University of Alabama. He didn’t get anywhere in federal court. He’s also complained about the NCAA football telecasts not showing college bands playing the national anthem before the games or performing at halftime. “I believe the National Collegiate Athletic Association is the devil’s pitch fork,” he said in a campaign announcement. Townsend writes, “I am running for U.S. Senator of the Great State of Alabama because I believe in 1906 NCAA was not created. They evolved from the same system of government created by the Roman and British Empires. I believe these systems of government were evil.”

His website is full of awesomeness! First off, the website is Sessions Is A Sissy.com. It’s full of NCAA hate, Republican conspiracies, and stories of his life.

Campaign Manager
Rex’s mother was my baby sitter. Rex cooked popcorn for 25 years at Haleyville. Some republicans accused him of stealing $6 and told him he could not cook popcorn for Haleyville any more. This broke Rex’s heart. Rex now wears a Deshler Tiger hat all of the time. Some people get over there hurts in different ways. Rex’s mother and daddy both passed away this year. Rex hates the NCAA. I now have a campaign manager:

Mark “No NCAA” Townsend campaign headquarters

There is unending fun found on Townsend’s website:

• Story of when he jumped out to scare the mailman and could have died if he weren’t driving a VW van
• Can you be a Christian and be a Democrat? Sometimes we can answer the question with another question. Question 1: Does the Sun shine on Democrats too?
• He believes that we have never been to the moon and 9/11 was an inside job

http://www.sessionsisasissy.com/

Lisa and Cecil Vinson were one of 12 couples who were married last Thursday at the Bibb County Correctional Facility in Brent, AL.

The 12 couples were married last week in one of the largest group ceremonies Chaplain Eddie Smith has performed.

Couples are married at the prison once every six months, and getting approval requires mounds of paperwork, applications and required reading of Scriptures.

Last week, the newlyweds sat close holding hands in the prison chapel after Smith performed the group ceremony. It would be the closest couples could get since the prison does not allow conjugal visits.

Most were holding their heads together, talking softly and giggling like teenagers, including Lisa and Cecil Vinson.

Cecil kisses his bride, Lisa.

Cecil Vinson, 41, has been in prison for more than 15 years. After his divorce eight years ago, he started trying to reconnect with Lisa, who he dated when they were in their early 20s. His mother finally found her address and wrote her six months ago.

“I gave him up once. I’m not going to give him up again,” Lisa Vinson said.

“It’s like everything fell into place when I found her,” Cecil Vinson said.

Cecil Vinson, from Wetumpka, was charged in 1988 with capital murder and receiving stolen property. His wife said he is serving time for the stolen property charge because he was in possession of a car owned by a murder victim. Another man committed the murder, she said.

It’s not easy to keep up their relationship. They speak on the phone once every two weeks — it costs $8 for a 20-minute collect call — and they write every day. Every detail of what happens in their lives is shared. Lisa says the writing has brought them closer.

“It’s easier to put down on paper what you’re really feeling,” she said.

“You have got to be a strong person to have a relationship like this. There is no sense going into anything like it if you’re not. You’ve got to have a lot of love and a lot of faith and be willing to live with what other people are going to say.”

“I cried all the way home Thursday.”

Cecil Vinson, who did construction work before his incarceration, has spent most of his adult life in jail.

“He doesn’t know anything about computers or cell phones. He’s really been out of touch, and it’ll be tough for him when he gets out,” Lisa Vinson said. “He’ll be OK, because he has a good support system behind him.”

According to the Alabama Dept of Corrections website, Cecil is scheduled for release on March 18, 2011.

Story via Tuscaloosa News.

Who is Mike Sawyer? Well, it appears that he resides in the Birmingham, AL area. He is passionate about exercise and anti-smoking. He also is a webmaster of sorts. He might have been the mayor of Red Level, AL in the past, but who knows.

First, let’s look at Mike’s occupation of sorts. This is how Festville found out about Mike. A dedicated Festvillian saw his truck and looked him on the world wide web and well, here you have it.

He writes on one of his websites: “Please consider allowing Mike to fetch your dog for fun and fitness!”
http://www.petministry.com/dogrunner

Work outs

“This is a new routine that I create with an unused bridge off the main trail. You can see the leaves which indicates not much travel. Here I am stretching my body about 50 inches across these two handrails. My arms caught the most pain. After a few times I was able to go across the bridge twice at a time. I attempted to do with one arm but immediately realized “not” yet.”

Another interesting exercise move.

FirmNotFat website…

Anti-Smoking
Mike claims: “Mike Sawyer was the first in the world to create a Tobacco Death Memorial in 1999.”

“Mike Sawyer bought this U.S. Smokeless Tobacco promotional t-shirt at a Panama City Beach, Florida thrift store for $2.00 and then paid an airbrush artist $8.00 to airbrush www.TobaccoDeath.com. This was during the Spring Break 2004 at Panama City Beach, Florida”

This picture was taken by Mike Sawyer at Five Points West, in Birmingham, Alabama on Saturday April 17, 2004

On one of his anti-smoking websites, Mike starts out with a photo of some lightening. He then lists a whole bunch of people who died and celebrities who died as well. You assume they were smoking related deaths. He also has a photo of his father’s gravestone who smoked.
Up In Love.com website

The mission statement of the Show Me Clowns for Jesus National Conference is simply this:

It’s not to late to attend the 2008 Conference to be held from Feb 14-17 in Springfield, MO.

Here’s one reason why you should attend: The Laflin’s (Duane and Mary) are among the special gifts.

Duane and Mary are experienced in ministry and the performing arena. For sixteen years Duane was in the pastorate. In 1991 the Laflins felt God leading them to a full time work that applied their experience, knowledge, and skills to a special kind of teaching, outreach, and ministry. They became “Christian Illusionists.” Duane is a past president of Fellowship of Christian Magicians.

Mary doesn’t look to happy in this photo. I don’t think it’s because she fears that her husband Duane could drop the sword and slice open her head, I think she is ticked that Duane is touching the blade with his hand indicating how dull and un-dangerous his sword is. She reminds me of Beth Chapman, wife of Duane “Dog” Chapman.

Other special guests include Buttons (photo) and Chagy (photo).

Websites:
http://www.showmeclownsforjesus.com
Fellowship of Christian Magicians
Duane Laflin

Whether or not you’ve been to Brazil to visit John of god, allowing yourself to experience the healing Crystal Bed designed by John of god is a must. The healing spirits or “entities” that work through John of god requested that Haleya take home a Crystal Bed to share with others in the USA.

So what does this mean? Well some “medium” in Brazil is named John. These two cats named Haleya Priest and Thom Levy have some crystal bed that allegedly brings healing.

What is a Crystal Bed?

A crystal bed has 7 extremely clear and highly polished quartz crystals suspended approximately 12 inches above the client lying on a massage table. Each of the quarts crystals has been cut to a specific frequency. Each crystal is aligned above one of the seven human energy centers or chakras. Colored lights, chosen to match the chakra colors, radiate light and energy through the crystals to each respective chakra, and shine on and off in certain rhythms to cleanse, balance, and align your energies. The individual receiving the session rests face up with eyes closed, bathing in the energy.

I think you can go to Massachusetts instead of having to go to Brazil. Rates are as follows:
Treatments are in 30, 45 and 60 minute segments.
30 min - $30; 45 min - $40; 60 min - $50

Packages:
5 / 30 minute treatments: $125; 10 / 30 minute treatments: $225

Distance Treatments

Can’t come to Massachusetts USA for your crystal bed treatment? Now you can receive distance treatments right in your own home, anywhere in the world! We are well trained in distance healing and use the Crystal Bed for distant treatments. Hard to believe? Our clients have a variety of experiences. Typical experiences are: a sense a deep peace, the presence of loving spirit entities, feeling sensations of warmth moving through their body, feeling more whole and integrated… just to name a few.

Website