A 53-year-old woman was arrested after allegedly hitting her live-in boyfriend in the head with a raw steak. According to a Marion County Sheriff’s Office report, the man told deputies Elsie Egan repeatedly hit him with the uncooked meat and slapped his face after he refused a piece of sliced bread. The man said he wanted a bread roll.

Egan denied hitting the man with the steak but did admit to slapping him, saying she did it “so that he could learn.” The man told deputies that Egan was his live-in girlfriend. He declined medical assistance. Egan was charged with abuse of a disabled adult. According to online records, she has been released on $2,500 bond.

Just looking at the mug shot, I think she was the one beat with the steak. What kind of steak was this? It’s got to be a larger cut of steak to be able hit somebody repeatedly in the head with it. Surely not a 8 oz. filet mignon.

I think it would be a nice gesture for Festville fans to order steak from Omaha Steaks and mail it to her for Christmas.

Guaranteed double-takes all around when you don this redneck style hairdo, spilling out from underneath the attached cap.

$10.98 and available on November 7th.

I wonder if they could make one for a rat tail?

ALBERTVILLE, AL (WAFF) - A woman was arrested after police discovered a teenager inside a cardboard box on the roof of a vehicle.

Jackie Denise Knott charged told police she had a good reason. Albertville police said the mother told them she was trying to carry a cardboard box, but it wouldn’t fit in her minivan. She claimed her daughter was just making sure the box was secure on the van roof.

Many drivers called police and officers quickly pulled Knott over. Albertville police arrested her and charged her with endangering the welfare of a child. Officers said her reasoning behind her actions was astonishing.

“The box was too large to get in the van, so more or less, she needed a paperweight,” said Albertville Police Officer Jamie Smith.

Officers asked Knott about the safety of the child and she responded.

“She told the officers she had the box tied to the roof with a wire close hanger,” Smith said.

WAFF

It was after midnight when Ariel Wade rolled into the drive-through at the 24-hour White Castle, one block from the State Capitol. Wade rolled away “madder than fish grease” after the staff refused to hand over any burgers.

The reason: She was riding in an electric mobility scooter. The drive-throughs are for licensed motor vehicles only. White Castle says it’s a safety measure that’s standard in the industry, to keep pedestrians from getting creamed by cars.

But Wade, who uses the scooter because of degenerative arthritis in her back, says the policy discriminates against people who don’t or can’t drive. The White Castle dining room closed at 11 p.m., so she had no choice but to order her Slyders in the drive-through.

Complimentary burgers and consoling words from the district manager the next day haven’t stopped Wade from taking her gripe to a law firm that advocates for the disabled. Her drive-through dispute now could test a relatively uncharted area of disability law. “You can try to butter me up all you want to. Free meals ain’t going to work,” said Wade, 37.

The confrontation on Rice Street pits the venerable 418-restaurant straight-edged hamburger chain based in Columbus, Ohio, against a onetime exotic dancer from New Orleans who until recently worked selling bingo tickets at a St. Paul bar.

Full story from StarTribune.com

It wasn’t the preferred way to enter the Knoxville Museum of Art, but Richard Anthony Smith told police he was on a mission. The 25-year-old Knoxville man called 911 from his cell phone before dawn Wednesday saying he was trapped in an air conditioning duct leading from the museum roof, Knoxville police spokesman Darrell DeBusk said.

Police and firefighters reached the roof, found a rope and cable and followed them to a vent shaft. Peering inside, they spotted Smith about 45 feet down.

“Mission failed,” he told them.

Hoisted up and read his rights, Smith told police he was a “special agent from the United States Illuminati, badge number 0931″ and had rappelled onto the museum from a helicopter, a police report said.

He said he was following orders to “defuse and confiscate” a Soviet-made nuclear warhead, specifically a “MERV6SS-22AN” warhead, according to the report. The bomb supposedly was hidden in a blue, plastic cow sculpture in the museum basement, he said.

However, Smith told officers his “agency” called while he was in air-vent limbo to say it made a mistake and the bomb might be in a Memphis museum instead.

Police charged Smith with aggravated robbery. He was being held on $2,000 bond at the Knox County Jail. Authorities said he did not have a lawyer.

“Fortunately he was able to reach his cell phone,” DeBusk said, “or he may not have been found for quite some time.”

Earth First is a bunch of winners! I only wish this was fake.

You probably remember a post back in April titled, “Wedding of the Year“. Well, I guess those people have some competition now.

As the famous twang of Hank Williams Jr. blasted from an SUV stereo Friday afternoon, about 30 folks socialized, sipped soda and puffed on cigarettes. George “Bubba” Mathis and Pamela Christian - employees at the Dacula, GA Waffle House - were married at their place of employment.

The Groom, George “Bubba” Mathis (age 23) (Photos: Benjamin Hager, Gwinnett Daily Post)

For years, the couple tried to marry on their Independence Day anniversary. But the bride was always scheduled to work. Instead of waiting any longer - she got the day off at the last minute; Mathis had to report for the morning shift - the couple of nine years decided to seal the deal at work.

The bride, Pamela Christian (age 23)

Standing nearby, the father of the newly minted Mrs. Pamela Mathis, William Christopher, wondered if anyone had videotaped the ceremony. He wants to send it in to CMT.

“I think it’s pretty redneck myself,” he said, laughing. “But I’m a redneck anyway, so.”

More photos and complete story

These prices are jacked up. I guess the extra cash goes towards the compounds or the Joseph Smith statue fund.

Baby Dress Without Bloomers
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$44 and up

Teen Vest Dress
100% Polyester
$72 and up

This is one of my favorites…

Baby Onesie Shirt
65% Polyester 35% Cotton
$31 and up

About Us:
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www.fldsdress.com

You may recall reading on Festville about Phyllis and Del the longtime lesbian couple who got married four years ago. Well, they got married again yesterday.

Martin wore a purple pantsuit and stood up from her wheelchair to face Lyon, dressed in a blue pantsuit.

Yes, Del is in her wheelchair. She is 87.

Mark “No NCAA” Townsend is running for the Alabama U.S. Senate seat currently held by Senator Jeff Sessions. Townsend resides in Haleyville, AL and works as a truck driver.

Townsend and Charles Bishop
Townsend ran for the Democratic nomination for governor in 2002 using the nickname “Rodeo Clown.” He’s a truck driver, not a rodeo clown, but the nickname apparently got voters’ attention. He finished third in a five-candidate field. It should be noted that Townsend claims he finished 2nd since Charles Bishop quit the race. Don Siegelman captured over 331k votes, Bishop 80k, and Townsend 9,890.

Townsend writes:
The truth is I finished second because Charles Bishop pulled out of the race before the game was over and joined the republicans. It may be time for Mr. Bishop and myself to handle our differences under Winston County Rules.

Facts in Winston County:

1. If someone treats your mother without respect, you fight.
2. If someone calls you a chicken, you take the challenge or fight.
3. If someone calls you a sissy, then you are one if you don’t fight.

Facts:

Mr. Bishop and I both live in Winston County. He is a republican. I am a democrat. Mr. Bishop can simply admit that he was a quitter and I finished second or he must meet my challenge.

1. He can hit me 5 times with his fist and I will still pick him up and put him over my head.
2. He can let Jeff Sessions hit me 10 times and I will pick him up and put him over my head 5 times.
3. If I win Mr. Bishop has to stand on top of the Alabama State Capitol with a sign reading, “Sessions Is A Sissy .com”.

If he wins I stand on top of Alabama State Capitol in a pink dress.

NCAA
This time around he chose “No NCAA.” It’s more fitting because he sued the National Collegiate Athletic Association in 2001 over a variety of factors, including sanctions it imposed against the football programs at Auburn University and the University of Alabama. He didn’t get anywhere in federal court. He’s also complained about the NCAA football telecasts not showing college bands playing the national anthem before the games or performing at halftime. “I believe the National Collegiate Athletic Association is the devil’s pitch fork,” he said in a campaign announcement. Townsend writes, “I am running for U.S. Senator of the Great State of Alabama because I believe in 1906 NCAA was not created. They evolved from the same system of government created by the Roman and British Empires. I believe these systems of government were evil.”

His website is full of awesomeness! First off, the website is Sessions Is A Sissy.com. It’s full of NCAA hate, Republican conspiracies, and stories of his life.

Campaign Manager
Rex’s mother was my baby sitter. Rex cooked popcorn for 25 years at Haleyville. Some republicans accused him of stealing $6 and told him he could not cook popcorn for Haleyville any more. This broke Rex’s heart. Rex now wears a Deshler Tiger hat all of the time. Some people get over there hurts in different ways. Rex’s mother and daddy both passed away this year. Rex hates the NCAA. I now have a campaign manager:

Mark “No NCAA” Townsend campaign headquarters

There is unending fun found on Townsend’s website:

• Story of when he jumped out to scare the mailman and could have died if he weren’t driving a VW van
• Can you be a Christian and be a Democrat? Sometimes we can answer the question with another question. Question 1: Does the Sun shine on Democrats too?
• He believes that we have never been to the moon and 9/11 was an inside job

http://www.sessionsisasissy.com/