Mark “No NCAA” Townsend needs your vote today (U.S. senate). I’m not sure if you have to declare whether you are a Republican or Democrat today, but if you can say undecided or independent and are able to vote both tickets, then vote for No NCAA!

Another website to check out and surprisingly called: http://www.noncaa.com/

In a letter to Chuck Townsend, CEO of Advance Publications, who owns the Birmingham News, Huntsville Times, and the Mobile Register, Mark writes in his first of three points:

My agriculture teacher at Bear Creek took us on a field trip to his farm. He took his finger and put it in cow dung. He then licked it. He explained to us the taste let him know what medicine to give to keep his cows healthy. He said if you have the money you can find this out in a lab. If you don’t have the money and you want to raise cattle, to stay in business, you must taste the dung. I am not a lawyer. I have tasted NCAA’s dung. I am still in business.

See Mark’s latest video: http://www.sessionsisasissy.com/video.htm

Mark “No NCAA” Townsend is running for the Alabama U.S. Senate seat currently held by Senator Jeff Sessions. Townsend resides in Haleyville, AL and works as a truck driver.

Townsend and Charles Bishop
Townsend ran for the Democratic nomination for governor in 2002 using the nickname “Rodeo Clown.” He’s a truck driver, not a rodeo clown, but the nickname apparently got voters’ attention. He finished third in a five-candidate field. It should be noted that Townsend claims he finished 2nd since Charles Bishop quit the race. Don Siegelman captured over 331k votes, Bishop 80k, and Townsend 9,890.

Townsend writes:
The truth is I finished second because Charles Bishop pulled out of the race before the game was over and joined the republicans. It may be time for Mr. Bishop and myself to handle our differences under Winston County Rules.

Facts in Winston County:

1. If someone treats your mother without respect, you fight.
2. If someone calls you a chicken, you take the challenge or fight.
3. If someone calls you a sissy, then you are one if you don’t fight.

Facts:

Mr. Bishop and I both live in Winston County. He is a republican. I am a democrat. Mr. Bishop can simply admit that he was a quitter and I finished second or he must meet my challenge.

1. He can hit me 5 times with his fist and I will still pick him up and put him over my head.
2. He can let Jeff Sessions hit me 10 times and I will pick him up and put him over my head 5 times.
3. If I win Mr. Bishop has to stand on top of the Alabama State Capitol with a sign reading, “Sessions Is A Sissy .com”.

If he wins I stand on top of Alabama State Capitol in a pink dress.

NCAA
This time around he chose “No NCAA.” It’s more fitting because he sued the National Collegiate Athletic Association in 2001 over a variety of factors, including sanctions it imposed against the football programs at Auburn University and the University of Alabama. He didn’t get anywhere in federal court. He’s also complained about the NCAA football telecasts not showing college bands playing the national anthem before the games or performing at halftime. “I believe the National Collegiate Athletic Association is the devil’s pitch fork,” he said in a campaign announcement. Townsend writes, “I am running for U.S. Senator of the Great State of Alabama because I believe in 1906 NCAA was not created. They evolved from the same system of government created by the Roman and British Empires. I believe these systems of government were evil.”

His website is full of awesomeness! First off, the website is Sessions Is A Sissy.com. It’s full of NCAA hate, Republican conspiracies, and stories of his life.

Campaign Manager
Rex’s mother was my baby sitter. Rex cooked popcorn for 25 years at Haleyville. Some republicans accused him of stealing $6 and told him he could not cook popcorn for Haleyville any more. This broke Rex’s heart. Rex now wears a Deshler Tiger hat all of the time. Some people get over there hurts in different ways. Rex’s mother and daddy both passed away this year. Rex hates the NCAA. I now have a campaign manager:

Mark “No NCAA” Townsend campaign headquarters

There is unending fun found on Townsend’s website:

• Story of when he jumped out to scare the mailman and could have died if he weren’t driving a VW van
• Can you be a Christian and be a Democrat? Sometimes we can answer the question with another question. Question 1: Does the Sun shine on Democrats too?
• He believes that we have never been to the moon and 9/11 was an inside job

http://www.sessionsisasissy.com/

Below are a few photos of a Klan rally that was held on September 15, 2007 in Athens, AL. All photos courtesy of bradbrad.

I love how this guy whipped out this shirt or whatever is out of the package and it still creases in it.

The speech I guess. Check out the winners standing behind him including Big Boy.

Family values or something like that?

This is particularly nice as the guy pulls up his shirt for all to see his tat.

The best for last. Note the oxygen intake.

Complete set…

Part 3 in a multi-part series on the candidates running for the mayor of Birmingham (AL).

Bernard Kincaid is currently serving as mayor of Birmingham. Kincaid was elected mayor in 1999 and has since been reelected once. Over his tenure, it’s safe to say his relationship with the city council has been rocky. His last tussle involved pay raises for police and fire.

Kincaid has campaigned with the slogan “Moving forward honestly,” which touts his administrations lack of scandals and suggests that Kincaid’s term of office has seen the city progress.

Kincaid’s campaign funding has overwhelmingly come from one source, a political action committee backed by Donald Watkins and headed locally by Emory Anthony, both close associates of former mayor Richard Arrington, Jr. This has sparked some controversy because Watkins’ bank is among several banks the City of Birmingham uses.

Kincaid is often mocked and rightfully so, for wearing ball caps with the word “MAYOR” printed on the front. As if he thinks people don’t know who he is. It’s especially humorous when he is outdoors in a press conference with other dignitaries such as the governor or U.S. sentars and he’s got his hat on.

Some quotes from the mayoral debate:

• “Thanks for allowing me to be the good steward.”
• “In the city of Birmingham ‘if it bleeds it leads’” It’s not crime, but the perception of crime.
• About education, Kincaid said the school board sets policy and there’s little the mayor can do. “You need to stay in your lane, otherwise there’s going to be a wreck.”
• Kincaid said the mayor can do little more for education than to “provide a bully pulpit.”
• “Birmingham is open for business and we’re doing quite well,”

Kincaid’s campaign website: http://www.kincaidformayor.com/

Part 2 in a multi-part series on the candidates running for the mayor of Birmingham (AL).

Larry Langford is the former mayor of Fairfield, AL and current Jefferson (AL) County commissioner. Larry is famous for bringing an amusement part which at the time was called VisionLand to Bessemer, AL. It was deemed a failure, but was purchased and has seen recent success and is now known as Alabama Adventure. If I recall correctly, a lot of local governments spent a lot of $ on the project. Larry is employed by Birmingham Budweiser.

Larry has recently been investigated by the SEC. A recent article in the Birmingham News questioned a large loan that he had repaid by a friend, Al LaPierre. Larry claims that he spent something along the lines of $60k on dental bills, thus the B’ham News cartoon.

A few quotes from the mayoral debate:

• “Birmingham needs a crazy man to run this city.”
• “You can hire a million cops. It’s not going to stop me from killing you.”
• “Give the teachers the right to knock your kids out.”
• “Last I checked she hadn’t killed anybody,” Langford said of the police chief. We don’t need police “to do what we should do ourselves.”
• “In Alabama we’ve been stuck on stupid so long we can’t get from point A to B.”

Larry has a one page website: www.langfordformayor.com. It features an ad in which he claims a “one-point plan” to fight crime in Birmingham. And that one point is to put criminals behind bars.

Festville will begin a series profiling the candidates running for the Mayor of Birmingham (AL).

Today we will feature, Willis Buddy Hendrix.

WBRC Fox 6 conducted a really nice interview with Buddy that you can watch here.

First, we’ll highlight some quotes from the mayoral debate that was held on Tuesday, September 18.

“I will help the people of Birmingham in you elect me governor.” Hendrix said. He later added, “I’d make our schools concentrate on teaching everything to everybody.”

“It’s up to you kids to do what you want to do,” Hendrix said. “Don’t go belly-aching down to city hall about it.”

And later, “There is no such thing as discrimination against race,” Hendricks said. “I’ve got many friends among colored people. I give them free plants and they give me free labor. There’s no discrimination out there. There’s no such thing.”

According to Buddy in the Fox 6 interview, he is a real-estate lawyer and a farmer. He has several very expensive plants which he marks on his land with fake roses that can be found on trash piles.

• He states that he is a full-time attorney and that’s what the city needs. He claims he lectures all over the world and is on the ethics committee for the United Nations.
• He claims there is no work or industries in Birmingham.
• Education is his hobby which includes wisdom and intellect. He has 5 earned degrees.
• About halfway through he asks if he is being recorded.
• He says the city has more inspectors than Carter has little liver pills.
• He’d like to see fruit trees planted in the city. He had planted fruit trees along his street, but the city cut them all down.
• He suggests putting dams in the creeks that run through Birmingham so people can kayak.
• Disney officials have told him that Birmingham is an ideal location for a Disney amusement part.

This my Festvillians is perhaps one of the sweetest prenuptial agreements I have ever seen. This was filed in Jefferson County court in September 2006 by Cedric and Yvette McNeal who reside in Birmingham, AL (actually Centerpoint).

This 7 page agreement is full of sweetness. I’ll give you the highlights from each page just as they are written (no spelling corrections). I highly recommend that you download the PDF file at the bottom to read each of the parts of the agreement. And as for the Roman Numerals - those are Yvette’s version, not mine.

Page 1
Yvette McNeal agree to the following.
I. I agree to only clean our home 2601 5th NE B’ham, Ala 35215 in a manner thats is acceptable to Cedric McNeal

II. I Yvette McNeal agree that the Ford Exploer belong to Cedric McNeal and I will keep it clean all the time and that the driver of it will be Cedric McNeal at all time.

III. I Yvette McNeal agree to only work at Jobs that Cedric McNeal approval of at all time.

Comment: More on the job situation later on…

IIII. I Yvette McNeal agree to attend Church with my husband at New Beginning Covenant House at his discretion.

V. I Yvette McNeal agree to conduct myself in a manner fitting a minister wife.

Page 2
VI. I Yvette McNeal agree that I will not communicate with none of my past assciate as of right now.

Comment: Foreshadowing of future Roman numerals…

VII. I Yvette McNeal agree to contribute all wages, gift, donation, contribution and the like to my husband, Cedric McNeal to be distributes he see fit.

VIIII. I Yvette McNeal agree not to communicate with any of my husband phyicians and not to go to any courts and try to get him commit to any hospital about his mental capacity my husband name is Cedric McNeal.

Comment: You think?

Page 3
XI. I Yvette McNeal agree that I will not cause no further trouble in my husband life by trying to have him arrested & calling any law enforcement agency on my husband Cedric McNeal.

XV. I Yvette McNeal agree not to abuse my husband Cedric McNeal never again.

Page 4
XVII. I Yvette McNeal agree to cook and prepare meal at home that she and her husband Cedric McNeal both can enjoy with love and also to wash and due the laundry only at [address]

XVIII. I Yvette McNeal agree that I will resign from Trinity hospital and also resign from Princeton Baptist hostipal forever. And that I will never work in the Baptist Health System also never work any shift nights and that I will be content being a house wife.

XVIIII. I Yvette McNeal agree to stop telling Lies to my husband Cedric McNeal and will be honest with him always.

Page 5
XXIII. I Yvette McNeal agree not to involved my self in any devil worship or any of the occult.

XXIIII. I Yvette McNeal agree no to use the internet for any communication or for any affairs period. Without my husband Cedric McNeal permission.

XXV. I Yvette McNeal agree not to go to any Night club or participate in any activity that could be interpreted as strip dancing or behaivor that could be interpred as prostition. My husband Cedric McNeal shall determine what is and what is not strip dancing or prostition.

Comment: I’m glad that Cedric will determine what is and what is not strip dancing or prostitution!

Page 6
XXVII. I Yvette McNeal agree to not use Foul Filthy Lanuage or any type of Profanity when speaking or talking to my husband Cedric McNeal ever again.

Download complete agreement in PDF format

How to write/visit Don Siegelman
Don needs your notes of encouragement. Or at least the “Free Don” folks think so.

You can write him at:
Don Siegelman (24775-0001)
Satellite Prison Camp
Post Office Box 5010
Oakdale, LA 71463-5019

Free Don people say: “We have been told that it takes a long time for the mail to get processed and delivered. All mail will be opened and perhaps copied and sent to the U.S. Attorney in Montgomery. ”

Comment: I love how they added “perhaps copied and sent…”

Rules for visiting Don at Oakdale:

• Handshaking, embracing and kissing by visitors and inmates/detainees will be permitted within the bounds of good taste only at the beginning and end of the visit.
• 10 visits per month.

You can’t wear the following:

• Sleeveless blouses, tank tops, halter tops
• Shorts above mid thigh
• Shower shoes, slippers, or house shoes
• See-through clothing or low cut blouses revealing cleavage
• Clothing exposing the mid-section

Don’s visiting hours:
Saturday (8:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m.), Sunday (8:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m.), and Federal holidays (8:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m.)

How to write/visit Richard Scrushy

Writing to Richard:
Richard Scrushy (24463-001)
USP BEAUMONT
U.S. PENITENTIARY
P. O. BOX 26030
BEAUMONT, TX 77720

Visiting Richard:
A few variations…due to perhaps the fact that Richard’s minimum security prison camp is on the grounds of a maximum security prison.

• “A limit of five visitors, including children, are permitted to visit an
  inmate at one time.” Don has the same rule, but Richard has 9 kids so they all can’t come see at at the same time.
• Shorts (male and female over 12 years of age) can not be worn.
• $20 is the maximum amount of cash that can be brought in to spend on the vending machines. This is down from Don’s $30 limit

Hopefully, you will recall former “American Idol” contestant who was featured on Festville back in January of 2005. If not, the Youtube video is below. Leroy who has endured scrapes with the law since appearing on the popular television show is heading to prison for almost four years, a federal judge in Mobile ruled this morning.

U.S. District Judge William Steele sentenced Leroy Eugene Wells, 25, to three years and 10 months for being a convicted felon in possession of a firearm. Wells’ arrest arose from a brief chase he led Mobile County sheriff’s deputies on in February after refusing to stop his vehicle.

Steele granted a request by defense lawyer James Scroggins to recommend to the Bureau of Prisons that Wells be sent to a prison with a comprehensive substance abuse treatment program.

“He has expressed his sincere remorse. We’ve had multiple conversations,” Scroggins told Steele. “He believes this is due to a drug problem.”

Added Wells, “I apologize for breaking the laws of Alabama and the United States. And I ask for forgiveness.”

Riverwalk Stadium did its part to help the Montgomery Biscuits on Saturday.

Mobile pitcher Matt Elliott — after giving up an eighth-inning run to tie it — went to the bathroom just behind the visitor’s dugout and slammed the door with such force that he broke it.

After the BayBears went down in the top of the ninth, Elliott was supposed to go back to the mound but was still in Riverwalk’s clutches.

“That’s the first time ever I’ve had something like that happen in my 25-plus years in this game,” BayBears manager Brett Butler said. “The way our night seemed to go, it seemed like anything was possible.”

Before firefighters arrived, stadium workers pried the door open with a tool that is used to pack clay into the pitcher’s mound. The hero, Rauch said, was Travis Burkett, a former football player who works for the team.

Elliott’s stay in the bathroom was 47 minutes, 20 of them after the game.

“They were beating on it,” said Elliott, who wasn’t sure what specific techniques defeated the door. “I couldn’t really see.”

“It was kind of weird,” he said.

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